LYLAS
by Mydela
Summary: Written by me and AmazonKit86. Wood and George's respective girlfriends get bored during History of Magic class. Pure silliness


A/N: Just for background so you're not totally lost: two witches in Fred and George's year are writing a note in History of Magic class over the course of several days. Serena has bewitched a plam pilot to work at Hogwarts. Shelby sings at a nightclub in Hogsmeade whenever she can sneak away from school. Because the format is so smooshed and crappy, I underlined Shelby's notes for clarification.

This is actually based on a real note written between me and AmazonKit86 during an extremely extremely boring summer driver's ed class. Completely silly and absolutely pointless. Enjoy!

Hey Serena,

Hi, it's Shelby. I'm trying to figure out how to work this newfangled contraption. Fred finds it wierd that muggles carry stuff like this around and write in them. George didn't comment on account that it's yours and he likes you. George has a crush!!! Heeheehee. Now to get the other guys paired off. Oliver's the hardest, but I'm determined. G2G. LYLAS

Shelby

Hey Shel, you matchmaker you,

Here's the thing about Wood. He. Likes. You. I am not even kidding. Do you know what he asked me yesterday? And the day before? And the day before that? Every single day he asks me to set him up on a blind date with you. I never have, because come on. You're not exactly stupid. Who else would it be, Fred or George? Yeah, right. GO OUT WITH HIM GO OUT WITH HIM GO OUT WITH HIM

Ser

What's wrong with being a matchmaker?

Speaking of blind dates, would you like to go on one with George? I mean...oops...

You'll never guess what happened today. Flint told me he loved me. shudder a lot. I guess some people never learn. I mean, I set fire to him once, for criminy's sake.

I think I'll ask Oliver out. Think he'll say yes. What if he doesn't. My life could be ruined. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

After class I think I'll go show some first years how to curse an extremely irritating Slytherin creep. Just kidding. Well, sort of.

Shelby, who likes to curse people

Shel, O mighty and feared curser,

Wood won't say no. He will say yes. Or it will be like this:

Wood: Are...are you asking me what I think you're asking me? To think this day would come to pass! Ah, if a rose by any other name....

Shel: Uh...Oliver, do you want to go on a date with me or not?

Wood: Do I? Do I? starts to hyperventilate _thump_

Shel: Oliver? Oliver? Hey, I didn't ask you if you would _pass out_ for criminy's sake! Ummm...A LITTLE HELP OVER HERE!

You see how it would be. Let me know how it goes, OK?

:):)Serena

Ser,

Gosh, I hope he doesn't hyperventilate. That would be wierd. So are you gonna ask George? Cause here's how it would go:

George: sitting in a chair by the fire waiting for his beloved to return

Ron: Hey George, Serena's here.

George: jumping up, knocking table over Where? I don't see...SERENA!

Serena: What's up, George?

George: Nothing, you?

Serena: Ummm, same. You wanna go to Hogsmeade and get a butterbeer or something?

George: Sure! Hey, you wanna see something really awesome?

Serena: Sure.

Me: NO! You don't wanna see that! Trust me! George, why don't you go show Serena how to hex a potted plant or something?

George: Good idea. Come on, Ser, let's go.

But then Fred would feel left out. So I will have to find him a girl. Namely, one Angelina Johnson.

Shelby

Shel,

Do you really think I should ask him out? You really think he'll say yes? I tell you what, I'll ask him if you'll ask Wood. We'll ask on the same day.

Ser

Ser,

You're on!

Shelby

THE NEXT DAY

Shel, O Wood seductress,

DID YOU ASK? DID YOU ASK? I DID!

Serena McCabe

Serena McCabe,

Well, how did it go? I havn't yet. We've been busy, but I'll see him tonight. Guess what happened? You'll never guess. I got an owl for Christmas. Her name is Midnight. She's so beautiful. Help! I'm going to ask Wood. Soon.

Shel

Shelby,

Yes! Well, George said yes. We were in Hogsmeade, when everybody went yesterday afternoon.. Everbody else went into Zonko's and for some reason, neither of us did. So we were at Zonko's looking at each other, and AKWARD SILENCE!!

This is how it went:

Me: so, uhh...do you maybe, I mean...

George: ....

Me: see, maybe we could, uhh...

George: ....

Me: umm...

George: Serena, are you asking me out?

Me: well, yeah, I mean, if you want to...

George: Whaddya mean, if I want to?

Me:.....

George: I'm glad you asked me first. I was trying to get up the courage to ask _you_. You just saved me the trouble.

Me: Sooo....is that a yes?

George: laughs and pulls me off to the Three Broomsticks What do _you_ think?

So that's what happened. I'd say it went pretty well, don't you?

Serena McC

THE NEXT DAY

Dear Miss McC,

I am pleased to inform you that last night, Oliver did not actually hyperventilate. He actually asked me. He came up to me in the common room, and, well, this is what happened:

Wood: just come in from Quidditch practice Shel!!! hugs me

Me: suspiciously Yes?

Wood: The team's better than I imagined. I mean, it's really really good.

Me: thinking: only you can get all teary eyed over Quidditch players That's great. I notice he's still hugging me Uh, Oliver?

Wood: Yes?

Me: Do you think you could let go of me?

Wood: Oh. Sorry.

Me: Thanks.

Fred: Ask her out already!

Angelina: Or kiss her!

Wood: blushing Umm, will you go out with me?

Fred: It's about bloody time.

Me: YES!

George and you rock. Congratulations on making the first move.

LYLAS

Shelby Carrington

Shelby C,

Well imagine that! We both got boyfriends! Well, whoda thunk it?

George and I are going to sneak out tonight and go for a walk around the lake. SHHHH! Don't tell.

Ser

Serena,

Your secret's safe with me. I think George has problems with _not_ breaking rules. sigh You've been corrupted already, my friend.

Shel

THE NEXT DAY

Shel,

We got caught.

Ser, the un-invincable, un-invisable

Ser the un-stuff,

Wow, that sucks.

Shel

Shel,

Ya know, it really does. It was embarrassing, really. We got caught by McGonagall, who took 50 points each off Gryffindor.

Ser

Serena, who snuck out of the castle and snogged a boy,

That sucks too. On a happier note, I'm trying to get Wood to sing a duet with me at the nightclub the next time we go into Hogsmeade. I think I got him to go along with it, on the condition that the song not be "mushy." We'll see.

Shelby

Shel

I never said we snogged!

You actually got Wood to agree to sing? Awesome! I have some great guy/girl music theater duets in my piano books. No songs about Quidditch though, sorry.

Serena

Ser,

You never said you didn't!

You wanna know something wierd? I've actually kissed Flint.

Shel

Shelby,

Did not...need...to know...

Ser

Serena,

Tough cookies. It was very creepy. Hey, it was actually Oliver's idea! I was only a second year! Fred and George were totally against it, but Oliver was kind of spazzing out. He really really wanted some information about Slytherin's new seeker. So me and Flint met by the lake and this is how it went:

Flint: I thought you hated me.

Me: Oh, uh...no, I just can't let anyone in my house know because they'd skin me alive.

Flint: Oh. leans in and kisses me

Wood told me yesterday that he was watching and got jealous at this point, and that's when he knew he liked me.

Me: Well that was...um, I have to go. Bye.

Flint: So what about tomorrow?

Me: Good luck. leaves

Wood: Did you get the scoop on their new seeker?

Me: No. Now I'm going to brush my teeth. I can't believe I let him kiss me. You owe me big time!

Shel, whose worst nightmare actually happened

Shel,

EAUGHHHUUUUUUUUUGHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

EW EW EW EW EW!!!!!!!!!!!

You should have smacked him good and hard. And then smacked Wood for putting you up to it.

Ser

P.S. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Ser,  
After that unfortunate incident, I set Flint on fire in potions the next day. 

Shel the pyro

Pyro,

Good. I hope you burnt his unibrow off.

Ser

Ser,

Of course I did. It was gone for about a week and then he regrew it magically. He's not too bright.

Well, me and Oliver sang at the club. It was fun. I was going to make him do the Stepsister's Lament from Roger's and Hammerstein's "Cinderella," but that's cruel and unusual punishment. So we sang the "Elephant Love Medly" from what's that muggle movie? I can't remember. I found it in you piano book. Heeheehee, Oliver said no mushy songs.

Shel

THE NEXT DAY

Shel,

I wish I could have heard that! Unfortunately, I was taking an arithmancy test. Evil, evil, piece of crap.

George and I went out on an actual _date_...though his idea of a date is a little different than mine. Observe:

George: Hey, Serena! Wanna go have a picnic somewhere?

Me: Sure! Where?

George: Ummm, I was thinking under the Whomping Willow.

Me: .....

George: Aw, c'mon, Ser, be a pal...

Me: I am not your _pal, _I'm your _girlfriend_, and I do _not_ want to be impaled by a psychotic tree?

George: Okay, well there's this clearing in the forbidden forest that...

Me: ....

George: Uhhh...

Me: ...

George: Umm, maybe not.

Me: George, how about _around the lake_ or someplace sane like that?

George: Yeah...sounds great...

Me: sigh

Ser

Serena,

I hope you had fun anyway. Me and Oliver went out after the show. Guess where we ate? The nightclub! OOOH, I _never_ get to eat there! (sarcasm completely intended.)

Shel

Sheby,

How romantic, ha ha ha. Did you slap him silly? You shoulda. OK, maybe not. I didn't smack George and the picnic ended up being a lot of fun and we didn't get caught by any certain transfiguration instructors. So it was nice. Drag Wood off to a little cafe or something next time...threaten him with having to sing another duet about elephants. The way he was carrying on today about that song, you woulda thought he'd been kilt.

Wood: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY THE LAST TIME I EVER SING! EVER! FOR ANY REASON!

Me: What was the song?

Wood: dunno. Something about elephants.

Me: puzzled Hmmm, that doesn't seem like a subject that Shelby would like to sing about.

Wood: Yeah, it was wierd. Something about love on the top of an elephant.

Me: With a burst of realization You mean the _Elephant Love Medley??_

Wood: _That's _it.

Me: Lord save us all...

Ser

Ser,

'Something about elephants????!' I do believe that my young prodigy has completely missed the point of the song!

Shel, who is going to go teach Oliver a few things about hexes and so forth

Shelby,

Aw, maybe you shouldn't be so hard on Wood. Unless you obliviate his memory after the fact.

Ser

Ser,

Softie. I'm not that bad. You wait. You are gonna wonder why you ever wanted to date George. Especially when you learn what he keeps as a shrine in his closet.

Shel

Ser,

You don't want to know.

Shel

Shel

Tell me tell me tell me!!!

Ser

Ser,

Nope.

Shel

Shel,

Meanie. See if I ever let _you_ use this baby again.

Ser

Ser,

Okay, fine. His prized possesion is this bloody _bat_ that his favorite Quidditch player used. The blood has been on there for YEARS! Don't ask me how he got it or why he told me he had it!! Mrs. Weasly tried to throw it away, but George resuced it. 

Shel

Shel,

Oh nasty! Oh nasty nasty nasty! Where does he keep it? By his bed? I swear to God I'm going to sneak in and destroy it! I know of a potion that'll make it shrink a little every day. He won't notice it's getting smaller until it's gone! Mwahahahah!

Ser

Ser,

I _told_ you you didn't want to know. I hope Oliver doesn't keep anything nasty like that around.

Shel, who knows everything

Shel,

If you're so omnipotent, how come you don't KNOW what Wood's prized possesion is?

Ser

Ser,

Because I'm too scared to know. That's why.

Shel

Shel,

Well, I know. And lemme tell ya.

Ser

Ser,

Okay, now that's just freaky. sits and trembles as wierd thoughts run through head

Shel

Shel,

Let me guarutee that you did _not_ think of it.

Ser

Ser,

Please don't let it be...someone's underwear.

Shel

Shel:

You're safe. No undies.

Ser

Ser,

Thank the Lord it ain't the undies.

Shel

Shel,

I don't know why he showed it to me, either. He keeps it in his pocket during Quidditch games for "good luck." I told him that if he wanted good luck he should at least mount it on the wall respecably instead of carrying it around in his pocket like he does.

Ser

Ser:

Wide-eyed look

Shel

Shel:

Hee hee hee

Ser

Ser:

I shall keep this if you do not tell me.

Shel

Shel,

Fine, Okay. A really long time ago, he apparently had this _goldfish_ that he was very...um..._abnormally_ attatched to. When it died, he was, well, devastated. He was going to have a proper funeral for it, but he had it preserved instead, and now he carries it around.

Ser

Ser,

Oh...my....

Shel

THE NEXT DAY

Ser,

I stole the fish. Hee hee hee. I took it while I was giving him a hug.

Shel

Shelby,

Why, you conniving sweet-talker, you! Pretending to engage in romantic activities while stealing your boyfriend's poor preserved fish!

Ser

P.S. Now, ain't you glad they weren't undies.

Serena,

HOoo, yeah. But hey, wait'll you hear what I did. I mounted the fish and gave it to him. He got all emotional. 

Wood: Thank you, Shel! 

Me: Umm, you're welcome. Calm down.

Wood: gives me a stifling hug

Me: Can't...breathe...

Shel

P.S. Do you suppose I should find a different boyfriend? Mine scares me not a little...

Shelby Marie Carrington,

No, don't you _dare_ find another boyfriend. We all spent six months listening to, "I wonder if Shelby likes me, do you think maybe she'll say yes if I ask her out, can anybody set me up on a blind date" etc. etc. If you break up with him, we will collectively kill you.

Serena

Ser,

Ummm...really, I was just kidding.

Shel & Wood forever & for always

OK, Mrs. Wood,

Forever and for always, huh? Did he pop the question after you've been going out for...oh, all of five days now?

Ser

Ser,

It took three years for him to ask me out. We could both be seventy when and if he ever pops the question.

Shel

Shel,

Tru dat. Well, there's the bell. Is it just me or was this class a lot less boring than usual...?

G2G, LYLAS

Ser

A/N: Why did I post this? It's so random! Surprise and merry Christmas, Lydia!


End file.
